Contents
Exercises x
Figures xi
Tables xii
Foreword xiii
Preface: How this book came to be xvii
Our journey xix
A note on our language xxii
Introduction: How to use this book 1
Serious play 2
A note on the exercises 4
Introduction summary 7
1 How We Get Stuck: Breakdowns in conversation 9
The power of conversation 10
Start where you are 15
Focus on real, live conversations 17
Power plays can’t help you strengthen relationships 21
Framing breaks down in unfamiliar and polarized situations 22
Start with authenticity 26
What’s possible 27
Chapter 1 summary 28
2 (In)Authenticity: The key to getting unstuck 29
Consistency with the past can lead to getting stuck 30
Dynamic authenticity is aligned with the future 31
Dynamic authenticity is a team sport 36
Chapter 2 summary 39
3 Know What You Bring: The hidden baggage of conversations 41
Our way of being is tied with our background conversation 43
Our ways of being are shared 46
Uncover your background conversations 51
Ways of being can be tricky to see 55
Is being in the eye of the beholder? 58
Being and inauthenticity 59
Chapter 3 summary 60
4 Locate the Bait: What we gain when conversations lose 61
You got yourself stuck 65
Pitfalls: Background conversations that get us stuck 67
Identifying the bait helps you get unstuck 74
Bait usually involves right, righteous, certain, and safe 76
Map out your pitfall 78
Chapter 4 summary 81
5 Dare to Share: Moving past the talking points 83
Connect with internal motivations 86
Express what you really want 96
Embody your new way of being 104
Chapter 5 summary 108
6 Start Talking: Bringing conversations back to life 109
The power of apology 113
You will encounter a variety of responses 122
Results require action, and action requires commitment 123
Chapter 6 summary 127
7 Embrace the Tension: How our differences can make a difference 129
Clarify values 131
Own the polarization 135
Expand the landscape 142
Dance in the new terrain 149
Chapter 7 summary 151
8 Widen the Circle: Building inclusive movements 153
Shared inquiry is required to change the collective conversation 156
Each social movement has core tensions and pitfalls 157
Realist-visionary tensions are present in all social movements 160
Movements can have collective bait and pitfalls 164
Find the possibility at the heart of our movements 170
We have only just begun to discover the pathways forward 178
Chapter 8 summary 184
Notes 187
Bibliography 195
Acknowledgments 201
Index 205
About the Authors 215
Exercises
1 Where do you want to break through gridlock 3
2 Identify stuck conversations 18
3 What does authenticity mean to you? 29
4 What does authenticity mean to you? (ont) 34
5 Choose a buddy 37
6 Our unspoken background conversation 52
7 identify your ways of being 54
8 The Spoken conversation 52
9 The cost of being stuck 67
10 Recognize pitfall 73
11 Identify the bait in the trap 78
12 Map the pitfall 79
13 why is your endeavor important to you? 87
14 Notice what motivations you're sharing or not sharing 93
15 envision what you really want 97
16 create a new way of being 99
17 guided meditation 100
18 reframe the problem 106
19 build a new conversation 112
20 write a letter 121
21 conversation commitment 124
22 your values, their values 134
23 your values, their values 142
24 go beyond a one-dimensional conversation 147
25 brainstorm ideas that break trade-offs between values and objectives 149
26 Core tensions in your movement 163
27 locate the collective bait 169
28 envision the future together 172
29 transform the central conversation of your movement 175
30 create pathways for yourself and your movement 180
31 commit to action 182
Figures
1 our way of being gives rise to what we do and the results we have 44
2 ways of being when people are stuck 48
3 new ways of being created by our workshops participants 102
4 spheres of care 133
5 trade-offs between parts and wholes 136
6 when we perceive a fundamental trade-off between values, the best we can imagine is compromising one for the other 137
7 a on-dimensional conversation in the corporate and investing world 143
8 a common mental model of the trade-offs between performance and impact 145
9 breaking trade-offs through innovation 146
10 competing objectives 147
11 compromise or innovation? 148
12 ways of being expressed inside a positive future 173
Tables
1 statistic authenticity versus dynamic authenticity 33
2 thirty most frequently mentioned traits of a "typical" environmentalist 50
3 a few common pitfalls 68
4 elements of wholehearted and effective apologias 114
5 examples of people's acknowledgments of the pitfalls they have created 117
6 pathways forward 179
